What is this Marriage Geek thing all about?

Notes from a Marriage Geek is a conversation about having kids and being married and building deep connections. It is about balance and attachment and forgiveness. It is about overcoming the hurts of the past and being compassionate with yourself along the way. I started writing Notes from a Marriage Geek 8 years ago. First […]

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The Best Mindfulness Doesn’t Happen in Our Heads

Criticism lives in our head. Compassion lives in our hearts. When hurt or scared most of us move into our heads where we feel safe and in control. When relationships overwhelm us we harden our hearts and think too much. We think about our partner’s mistakes, our kids’ struggles, our families weaknesses and our own […]

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Lessons Learned at Summer Camp

Oh great- the kids are teaching me life lessons again. Bear with me, the backstory of how I got myself into my current mess goes back in time. 6 years ago I took my boys (6 and 8) with me to visit their cousins at YMCA sleepover camp. Wait- it goes back farther than that. […]

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Attachment Wounds Pt 3

Attachment Wounds Pt 3 If all goes well in life, you get to navigate relationships from a position of secure attachment. If your childhood experiences or messed up adult relationships have screwed up that attachment you get anxious or dismissive, preoccupied or avoidant or some messed up combination of these are your relationship baggage. Intimacy […]

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Attachment Wounds Pt 2

(Or what I did over summer vacation) If you grew up with a pretty secure attachment to a primary caregiver, you know that your feelings and needs matter but do so everyone else’s. You can see the balance and take turns. If you grew up without your needs and feelings well attended to, you had […]

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Attachment Wounds Pt 1

I am all about attachment. I focus on parenting in ways that helps me focus on my relationship with my kids and meeting their attachment needs. As a marriage counselor I use a lot of Susan Johnson’s Emotionally Focused Therapy work around creating secure attachments in romantic relationships I see the world through a relationship […]

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#BlackLivesMatter

I woke up yesterday in a foul mood. My vacation didn’t go well. As usual, high expectations mixed with family of origin issues, parenting under duress and way too many hours in the car led to lots and lots of hurt feelings. I messed up some stuff and am having a hard time getting past […]

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I Do Love Dads

Old Navy got into hot water over this Father’s Day t-shirt. (It says Happy Father’s Day with highlighting to reveal the true message- It’s (really) her day. Funny how a bunch of professionals let that get through but it pissed us real folks off right away. My father always reminded us (back in the olden […]

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Strangely- I have winter on the brain

Totally loving Minnesota this week. I can’t believe how fast leaves have filled in all the brown space and how quickly my freckles can pop. We did Open Streets in Mpls last weekend and my sister and I both topped our record- over 20,000 steps. And yet- I have lived through many, many long MN […]

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“Right Now, Can You Make an Unconditional Relationship with Yourself?”

I stumbled across this video this week. I preach taming the voice in your head, that you are either your own best friend or your own worst enemy and most people who are their own best friends have much easier lives. Walking around day and night with your worst enemy bitching at you is exhausting. […]

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