I admit it, my instincts can be all wrong

I love the idea that parenting is instinctual. I wish that my gut reaction to my kids was always right on. Instead I swing between worrying too much to not worrying enough. My instincts are fed by my past and my socialization. My instincts are muddied by the Today Show and Facebook telling me what […]

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The Bullshit Detector….Just another reason family is so damned hard.

If you’ve been following me for awhile, you get that I think it all comes down to attachment. When you love someone, sleep with them, touch them, break bread with them, they become family. And no one makes you crazy like family does. Kids make you crazy. Partners make you crazy. And no matter how […]

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Setting Hard Limits with Love

When we talk about relationships- with our kids or our partners, we can only tell one side of the story. They did this. They said that. I was trained to think systemically- knowing that all behaviors occur inside of relationship.There are no individuals..we are just bumping into fragments of relationships. I listen for what happened […]

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Emergency Husband Alert Network Rerun

Please share. As 96% of my readers are female it is going to take some effort to reach the super secret husband network. If your children are old enough to have jobs and cars- ignore this warning. Those kids are on their own. If your children are not old enough to drive to Target-please pay […]

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How Prince’s Death Became a Generation’s Midlife Crisis

Last Thursday the news came, on Facebook and in texts, in whispers throughout Minneapolis. Our hometown hero had died. An electric current immediately flashed through me. The file in my brain marked 1980-1984 snapped open and I remembered everything. Music and sightings, deep friendships, and lost loves, and dance, so much dance. Prince is the […]

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Our Violent Reaction to Being Hurt

The number one thing that couples fight about is not what you might think. We always fight about getting our feelings hurt. We argue about the dishes and money and time but it isn’t a fight until someone’s feeling get hurt- and someone’s feelings always get hurt. And the gloves come off. Attachment relationships mean […]

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Can Parenting Be Important but not so Serious?

I blame psychology. I have no idea how old I was when I learned about self esteem, positive thinking, dysfunctional families and codependency. It certainly wasn’t in college, it wasn’t even in school. Everyone knows just enough psychology to know that everything is really your mother’s fault. Come on- just think about it. If you […]

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Simplicity sounds easy but not for me….

I started reading Simplicity Parenting (Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier, and More Secure Kids by Kim John Payne and Lisa M Ross) because I heard it was great for parents with ADHD kids. I thought it might have some things to support my often overwhelmed 14 year old. Instead… I […]

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You Might Be a Pushy Parent- I Was

I am sure that none of you were the pushy parents who were so poorly behaved at Pez’s Easter Egg Hunt last week. Missed it? Check this out.   What kind of parents bowl over toddlers for a few pieces of free candy? You might be surprised. I think I might be guilty of this. Maybe you […]

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No One Asks Darth Vader for Advice- Unpacking Authoritarian Parenting

On a mainstream parenting group there was a discussion about whether or not to make your toddlers say please and thank you. Obviously all parents want their kids to grow up to be polite and have manners and more importantly be respectful and appreciate others. That isn’t the divide when we talk about parenting. The […]

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