Attachment Wounds Pt 2

(Or what I did over summer vacation) If you grew up with a pretty secure attachment to a primary caregiver, you know that your feelings and needs matter but do so everyone else’s. You can see the balance and take turns. If you grew up without your needs and feelings well attended to, you had […]

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Attachment Wounds Pt 1

I am all about attachment. I focus on parenting in ways that helps me focus on my relationship with my kids and meeting their attachment needs. As a marriage counselor I use a lot of Susan Johnson’s Emotionally Focused Therapy work around creating secure attachments in romantic relationships I see the world through a relationship […]

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#BlackLivesMatter

I woke up yesterday in a foul mood. My vacation didn’t go well. As usual, high expectations mixed with family of origin issues, parenting under duress and way too many hours in the car led to lots and lots of hurt feelings. I messed up some stuff and am having a hard time getting past […]

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I Do Love Dads

Old Navy got into hot water over this Father’s Day t-shirt. (It says Happy Father’s Day with highlighting to reveal the true message- It’s (really) her day. Funny how a bunch of professionals let that get through but it pissed us real folks off right away. My father always reminded us (back in the olden […]

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Strangely- I have winter on the brain

Totally loving Minnesota this week. I can’t believe how fast leaves have filled in all the brown space and how quickly my freckles can pop. We did Open Streets in Mpls last weekend and my sister and I both topped our record- over 20,000 steps. And yet- I have lived through many, many long MN […]

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“Right Now, Can You Make an Unconditional Relationship with Yourself?”

I stumbled across this video this week. I preach taming the voice in your head, that you are either your own best friend or your own worst enemy and most people who are their own best friends have much easier lives. Walking around day and night with your worst enemy bitching at you is exhausting. […]

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I admit it, my instincts can be all wrong

I love the idea that parenting is instinctual. I wish that my gut reaction to my kids was always right on. Instead I swing between worrying too much to not worrying enough. My instincts are fed by my past and my socialization. My instincts are muddied by the Today Show and Facebook telling me what […]

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The Bullshit Detector….Just another reason family is so damned hard.

If you’ve been following me for awhile, you get that I think it all comes down to attachment. When you love someone, sleep with them, touch them, break bread with them, they become family. And no one makes you crazy like family does. Kids make you crazy. Partners make you crazy. And no matter how […]

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Setting Hard Limits with Love

When we talk about relationships- with our kids or our partners, we can only tell one side of the story. They did this. They said that. I was trained to think systemically- knowing that all behaviors occur inside of relationship.There are no individuals..we are just bumping into fragments of relationships. I listen for what happened […]

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Emergency Husband Alert Network Rerun

Please share. As 96% of my readers are female it is going to take some effort to reach the super secret husband network. If your children are old enough to have jobs and cars- ignore this warning. Those kids are on their own. If your children are not old enough to drive to Target-please pay […]

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