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The Price of Privilege- a rough month…year…decade…for men

I walk a fine line in my work. I want to honor and support all my clients. Most couples I see are heterosexual so that means there are two women in my office and one guy. And I know therapy is based in more traditionally female skill sets- vulnerability, communicating about feelings, focusing on relationships […]

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What if You Can’t Get Through to Him?

If you’ve been following me for awhile, you know I love The Gottman Institute’s research.  John and Julia Gottman have conducted over 40 years of breakthrough studies on marital stability and divorce prediction. The one statistic I seem to quote every week is “there is an 81% chance that a marriage will self-implode when a […]

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When is it Time to Go?

Rumor has it that divorce is too easy. Rumor has it that people don’t try hard enough. Rumor has it that people treat marriage like it is disposable. I know some silly celebrities (and politicians) have a string of exes but I don’t know real people who do that. Ok Huff Post does have a […]

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Into the Marriage Votex

I love doing marriage work. It is deeply rewarding to be trusted with a couple’s most valuable resource at a time of fear and hurt. For 15 years I have studied the patterns, the stages relationships go through. I see how they get built, how they break down and how they heal. I ask people […]

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Just a bunch of divorce musings…. When is it time to leave?

(If you see yourself in this week’s newsletter, you’re right…all of you who can’t decide, who want me to tell you what to do, who are waiting for a sign, who are so unhappy that it can’t be good for anyone. This time I really am talking to you…oh but not all of you…) I […]

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You Might Not be Fighting Enough

When a new couple comes into my office one of my first questions is “Are you fighting too much or too little?” By the time couples get to my office, the answer is usually they aren’t fighting enough. I have to say that if my practice was in some less Nordic state, I might get […]

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Becoming Mom/ Becoming Dad… old school

I get to work with the most amazing couples. They are progressive and educated and intentional about how they live, how they parent. Most of them consider themselves feminists and picked me at least in some part for the strong opinions I have. They’re my people. Most of the time, I didn’t get to meet […]

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The one that isn’t really about Brad and Angelina

I love using celebrity gossip to talk about the marriage work in my office. (All I know about Angelina and Brad I got from People Magazine) There are two stories and those stories are connected but no one is quite sure how. #1  Brad is under investigation for child abuse by Children and Family services. […]

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Men are Distant/Women are Moody

Between my personal life and my work- I do marriage 24/7. The greatest mystery to me is how we could socialize men and women so differently and expect them to play nicely. To women, men seem distant, emotionally unavailable, shut down, cold and when pushed angry. To men, women seem moody, intense, illogical, unpredictable and […]

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What is this Marriage Geek thing all about?

Notes from a Marriage Geek is a conversation about having kids and being married and building deep connections. It is about balance and attachment and forgiveness. It is about overcoming the hurts of the past and being compassionate with yourself along the way. I started writing Notes from a Marriage Geek 8 years ago. First […]

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