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Sex in Marriage in the #Me Too Movement

We all feel it. Something has shifted. While I expected 2017 to be the year we got to experience the amazing journey of our first female president, instead we got this. The Trump election was a terrifying statement about racism and sexism in our society. Much has been revealed. This is a time of intense […]

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Marriage Geek’s Serenity Meditation

Grant me the serenity to accept the truth about the people I love, the courage to ask for better behavior from them, and the wisdom to know where to put the bar. Marriage is tough because each of us, deep at our core, want to feel unconditionally loved and accepted. Criticism feels like betrayal or […]

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Being 3 is Hard…and Everyone I Know is Still Kind of 3

Being three is a year of big feelings. I wonder what it must feel like to spend  years learning to communicate, only to find that people just don’t do what you tell them to do. It must be endlessly frustrating that we don’t cut their toast right, can’t repair their broken bananas, make them wear […]

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The Price of Privilege- a rough month…year…decade…for men

I walk a fine line in my work. I want to honor and support all my clients. Most couples I see are heterosexual so that means there are two women in my office and one guy. And I know therapy is based in more traditionally female skill sets- vulnerability, communicating about feelings, focusing on relationships […]

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What if You Can’t Get Through to Him?

If you’ve been following me for awhile, you know I love The Gottman Institute’s research.  John and Julia Gottman have conducted over 40 years of breakthrough studies on marital stability and divorce prediction. The one statistic I seem to quote every week is “there is an 81% chance that a marriage will self-implode when a […]

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When is it Time to Go?

Rumor has it that divorce is too easy. Rumor has it that people don’t try hard enough. Rumor has it that people treat marriage like it is disposable. I know some silly celebrities (and politicians) have a string of exes but I don’t know real people who do that. Ok Huff Post does have a […]

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Into the Marriage Votex

I love doing marriage work. It is deeply rewarding to be trusted with a couple’s most valuable resource at a time of fear and hurt. For 15 years I have studied the patterns, the stages relationships go through. I see how they get built, how they break down and how they heal. I ask people […]

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Just a bunch of divorce musings…. When is it time to leave?

(If you see yourself in this week’s newsletter, you’re right…all of you who can’t decide, who want me to tell you what to do, who are waiting for a sign, who are so unhappy that it can’t be good for anyone. This time I really am talking to you…oh but not all of you…) I […]

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You Might Not be Fighting Enough

When a new couple comes into my office one of my first questions is “Are you fighting too much or too little?” By the time couples get to my office, the answer is usually they aren’t fighting enough. I have to say that if my practice was in some less Nordic state, I might get […]

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Becoming Mom/ Becoming Dad… old school

I get to work with the most amazing couples. They are progressive and educated and intentional about how they live, how they parent. Most of them consider themselves feminists and picked me at least in some part for the strong opinions I have. They’re my people. Most of the time, I didn’t get to meet […]

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