When I was a moody preteen, I remember my mother stopped to help an elderly couple who seemed to be struggling on an icy Minnesota December day. At the time I was mortified that my meddlesome mother was butting into these strangers’ lives. Turned out they weren’t simply struggling with the ice. We got them […]
30 years of parenting, 14 years of marriage, 25 years as a psychologist and marriage counselor and an obsession with relationships. Just trying to figure it all out.
Grant me the serenity to accept the truth about the people I love, the courage to ask for better behavior from them, and the wisdom to know where to put the bar. Marriage is tough because each of us, deep at our core, want to feel unconditionally loved and accepted. Criticism feels like betrayal or […]
One turkey done, another set to go into the oven… part of my Thanksgiving tradition is to write my blog post before anyone gets up in the morning- thinking of the day ahead. The meal is predictable, the family keeps changing. We currently have no babies in our family- the youngest is my 13 year […]
When the boys were little we used to say “In this family, it’s ok to make mistakes”… we said it a lot. We started saying it for them, because they were little and messed up a lot but pretty quickly realized that it was a lesson we needed to learn as well. If mostly, kids […]
I share some version of this every holiday season- for some reason holiday stress seems to be showing up early this year. Healthy attachment is at the core of my work. Attachment is how we want to raise our kids and how we want to be partnered and attachment is why the people we love […]
This was my personal FB post this morning- “Evidence that I should not be in charge of my own schedule… today I have 7 clients scheduled, Zach’s conferences scheduled over my lunch hour, I am on call for the Helpline…which has been hopping all week, I am committed to posting a blog post before bed […]
Being three is a year of big feelings. I wonder what it must feel like to spend years learning to communicate, only to find that people just don’t do what you tell them to do. It must be endlessly frustrating that we don’t cut their toast right, can’t repair their broken bananas, make them wear […]
When my boys were little, they went to a daycare center that had a great reputation but when they moved from the baby room to the toddler room, something started to rub me the wrong way. The teachers just weren’t as patient, weren’t as nurturant. They started bragging about how well the kids handled things […]
I walk a fine line in my work. I want to honor and support all my clients. Most couples I see are heterosexual so that means there are two women in my office and one guy. And I know therapy is based in more traditionally female skill sets- vulnerability, communicating about feelings, focusing on relationships […]
How are we supposed to feel? Each day, on my drive to work I watch the seasons change in the colors of the trees. I see the beauty of letting go, of summer losing out to fall and know what comes next. Because I get to cross the river on Cedar most days, it is […]
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