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Thinking about Tomorrow

My boys and I are watching old episodes of Glee (to them Glee is an old show). Last night they were signing the Fleetwood Mac’s “Don’t Stop”.          Don’t stop thinking about tomorrow          Don’t stop, it’ll soon be here          It’ll be even better than […]

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Undoing Crappy Emotional Coaching

My 14 year old begins high school on Tuesday. He’s been a bit stressed about it. He said “I just wish people would stop telling me it’s going to be ok. They don’t know that and it feels like they’re lying to me.” A thread on Facebook discussing loss and stupid things people say- “It’s […]

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What is this Marriage Geek thing all about?

Notes from a Marriage Geek is a conversation about having kids and being married and building deep connections. It is about balance and attachment and forgiveness. It is about overcoming the hurts of the past and being compassionate with yourself along the way. I started writing Notes from a Marriage Geek 8 years ago. First […]

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The Best Mindfulness Doesn’t Happen in Our Heads

Criticism lives in our head. Compassion lives in our hearts. When hurt or scared most of us move into our heads where we feel safe and in control. When relationships overwhelm us we harden our hearts and think too much. We think about our partner’s mistakes, our kids’ struggles, our families weaknesses and our own […]

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Lessons Learned at Summer Camp

Oh great- the kids are teaching me life lessons again. Bear with me, the backstory of how I got myself into my current mess goes back in time. 6 years ago I took my boys (6 and 8) with me to visit their cousins at YMCA sleepover camp. Wait- it goes back farther than that. […]

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Attachment Wounds Pt 3

Attachment Wounds Pt 3 If all goes well in life, you get to navigate relationships from a position of secure attachment. If your childhood experiences or messed up adult relationships have screwed up that attachment you get anxious or dismissive, preoccupied or avoidant or some messed up combination of these are your relationship baggage. Intimacy […]

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#BlackLivesMatter

I woke up yesterday in a foul mood. My vacation didn’t go well. As usual, high expectations mixed with family of origin issues, parenting under duress and way too many hours in the car led to lots and lots of hurt feelings. I messed up some stuff and am having a hard time getting past […]

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I Do Love Dads

Old Navy got into hot water over this Father’s Day t-shirt. (It says Happy Father’s Day with highlighting to reveal the true message- It’s (really) her day. Funny how a bunch of professionals let that get through but it pissed us real folks off right away. My father always reminded us (back in the olden […]

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The Bullshit Detector….Just another reason family is so damned hard.

If you’ve been following me for awhile, you get that I think it all comes down to attachment. When you love someone, sleep with them, touch them, break bread with them, they become family. And no one makes you crazy like family does. Kids make you crazy. Partners make you crazy. And no matter how […]

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Setting Hard Limits with Love

When we talk about relationships- with our kids or our partners, we can only tell one side of the story. They did this. They said that. I was trained to think systemically- knowing that all behaviors occur inside of relationship.There are no individuals..we are just bumping into fragments of relationships. I listen for what happened […]

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