Let’s Talk about Sex, Baby! Pt 2 “Wanna do it?”
Last week I talked about reconnecting with your erotic side. If you did your homework and are feeling all sexy this week you might want to bring that to your relationship.
Sex Ed for Old Married Folk Pt 2
Becoming Irresistible Again
The attachment work of marriage builds deep bounds that offers us safety in a crazy world. We try to love unconditionally, accept our partner’s faults, promise to never leave and work to keep things solid. Our relationship becomes our security, our home base. And sometimes in that process, passion cools.
Security becomes low risk, low investment. Unconditional love means we don’t want to hear feedback. Acceptance means we don’t grow. Never leaving becomes a lie.
If you want a sexier relationship, you have got to get some game. This is work. This is moving into a much less comfortable zone. You can’t get rich or healthy or organized by doing the same old crap you’ve been doing. You have to do something different.
Here is my “How to Become Irresistible” checklist.
Pay Attention! Listening is an art. I promise you that your partner has told you straight up what they want more of. They picked you…they continue to pick you. You seduced them once… you can do it again. Many women do get turned on by their partners making dinner or cleaning the bathroom. This feels attentive and caring and about them, selfless. Also, one of the worst things for our sex drive is resentment so if your partner is pissed that you have ignored their request for help with the kids, buying them flowers is a major “Fuck You.” Do more of what they say they want. Do it because you want them to feel loved.
Be Bold! Confidence is sexy. Take some risks. Put it out there. Be your bad self. Exercise and clothes and looking good make us hot. Dress for date night. Dress for dinner. Show some style.
Flirt! Right there in your hands it the best seduction tool that scientists have ever created. You have a cell phone! And I bet your partner has one too! You can spend the whole day making your partner crazy while working and taking care of the kids. Build the anticipation. Make them feel sweaty. Tell them you miss them. Remind them of that thing you did…way back when.
Connect! It doesn’t take hours, it takes moments. Raise the heat in your relationship with longer moments of eye contact. Make sure they really feel your hugs. Communicate through touch. Notice things.
Kiss! Nothing kills your sex life more than bad kissing. Kiss longer. Kiss more often. Kiss more sweetly. Brush your teeth.
Goof off! Play, dance, be spontaneous, sing, bring home flowers, blow off work or the dishes. Novelty is hot. Being in the moment is hot.
Please go work on being amazing with your partner this week. Be the person they adore. If reading this is making you uncomfortable… is it uncomfortable to consider yourself irresistible? Is that your self esteem talking you down? Your family or your religion or your crap about your body? Do your work. It is relational uncomfortable? What worries you about being irresistible? What gets in the way? What comes up? Is there other work that needs to be done before you can heat things up? Are you sure? Are you resisting being vulnerable? Are you afraid to get too close? Is your partner really a jerk and you need to get honest about that? Are you working way to hard to make something work that isn’t good for you? Do your work. If I could get all the answers in a blog post, then I would be out of work. Sorry!
Want more? Part 3
