Great Parenting Advice is Great Marriage Advice

I share tons of articles on Facebook each week. For every “how to have a great marriage” article I find, I can find 10 “how to be a great parent” article. I branded myself “the Marriage Geek” but find it easier to show people how to be with their kids then it is to be with their partner. Once kids come along, so much of our patience and understanding and affection gets pulled to them, often leaving our partners and our marriages unattended.

Almost every piece of parenting advice I have read in some way can be applied to being a great partner.

Yelling doesn’t work. Of course we lose our tempers and get frustrated but communication and cooperation are the right path. Tone and timing make all the difference. Work on what healthy anger looks like.

Don’t take it personally. The things that people say when they are overwhelmed and upset say more about how they feel about themselves than it does about your relationship. Work on shaking it off.

Cosleeping keeps us connected. Night time connection after a busy day, even if it is only being in the same room keeps us together. There may be good reasons for separate rooms. Work on prioritizing time together.

Allow lots of room for messes. Give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Mistakes happen, things get spilled. We’re mostly doing our best in any given moment. Work on tolerance for chaos.

Time outs only work if they are voluntary. Sending someone away is punishment and feels like rejection. Taking a break for yourself is relationship positive and sets a great example for how to manage big feelings. Work on taking breaks when you need them and allowing others to take them when they need them.

Limit screen time. Technology is seductive, exciting and way too easy. Don’t let your family lose each other. No screens at the table. No screens in the bedroom. No screens an hour before bed. Best for the brain, best for sleep and best for relationships.Work on modeling a healthy relationship to technology.

Pick your battles but set limits. We are always teaching people how to treat us. We should have high expectations while be patient with the journey. Work on assertiveness.

Cuddling and kisses can make almost anything better. Reconnect. Reach out. Offer to make it all better. Work on affection.