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Never Forget How Lucky Your Kids Are- to have you

Parenting matters. Of course it does. I love being a parent. Last week I celebrated 33 years of mothering…happy birthday Nate! I love teaching parenting classes but I struggle both personally and professionally to keep it in perspective. First- let’s look at what childhood is like in our country. Almost half of our country’s kids […]

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Feelings, Shmeelings, What’s so Great about Feelings?

I have spent my whole life working on being great with feelings- oh, I mean other people’s feelings. My feelings… yeah… maybe that’s a second half of life project. When I was a much younger woman, a guy I was dating argued that the problem was that I whispered my feelings. How was he supposed […]

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Into the Marriage Votex

I love doing marriage work. It is deeply rewarding to be trusted with a couple’s most valuable resource at a time of fear and hurt. For 15 years I have studied the patterns, the stages relationships go through. I see how they get built, how they break down and how they heal. I ask people […]

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2016 Post Thanksgiving Commentary

Each year I sit down to write my newsletter on Thanksgiving morning before the festivities begin and set it to go out in the evening when the party’s over. Mostly I steal stuff from last years post and tweek it a bit. The best thing about holiday traditions is just how predictable they can be. […]

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Wiping my tears- Time for Service and Resistance

Wednesday was awful and I feared I couldn’t write, couldn’t see clients. Everyone I voted for lost. Today I woke up ready to fight. My progressive politics are an integral part of my Marriage Geek message- you are not required to read any further. I get it that lots of people don’t agree with me […]

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You Might Not be Fighting Enough

When a new couple comes into my office one of my first questions is “Are you fighting too much or too little?” By the time couples get to my office, the answer is usually they aren’t fighting enough. I have to say that if my practice was in some less Nordic state, I might get […]

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Lessons Learned at Summer Camp

Oh great- the kids are teaching me life lessons again. Bear with me, the backstory of how I got myself into my current mess goes back in time. 6 years ago I took my boys (6 and 8) with me to visit their cousins at YMCA sleepover camp. Wait- it goes back farther than that. […]

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Attachment Wounds Pt 3

Attachment Wounds Pt 3 If all goes well in life, you get to navigate relationships from a position of secure attachment. If your childhood experiences or messed up adult relationships have screwed up that attachment you get anxious or dismissive, preoccupied or avoidant or some messed up combination of these are your relationship baggage. Intimacy […]

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Attachment Wounds Pt 2

(Or what I did over summer vacation) If you grew up with a pretty secure attachment to a primary caregiver, you know that your feelings and needs matter but do so everyone else’s. You can see the balance and take turns. If you grew up without your needs and feelings well attended to, you had […]

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Attachment Wounds Pt 1

I am all about attachment. I focus on parenting in ways that helps me focus on my relationship with my kids and meeting their attachment needs. As a marriage counselor I use a lot of Susan Johnson’s Emotionally Focused Therapy work around creating secure attachments in romantic relationships I see the world through a relationship […]

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