Grant me the serenity to accept the truth about the people I love, the courage to ask for better behavior from them, and the wisdom to know where to put the bar. Marriage is tough because each of us, deep at our core, want to feel unconditionally loved and accepted. Criticism feels like betrayal or […]
Being three is a year of big feelings. I wonder what it must feel like to spend years learning to communicate, only to find that people just don’t do what you tell them to do. It must be endlessly frustrating that we don’t cut their toast right, can’t repair their broken bananas, make them wear […]
Parenting matters. Of course it does. I love being a parent. Last week I celebrated 33 years of mothering…happy birthday Nate! I love teaching parenting classes but I struggle both personally and professionally to keep it in perspective. First- let’s look at what childhood is like in our country. Almost half of our country’s kids […]
I have spent my whole life working on being great with feelings- oh, I mean other people’s feelings. My feelings… yeah… maybe that’s a second half of life project. When I was a much younger woman, a guy I was dating argued that the problem was that I whispered my feelings. How was he supposed […]
I love doing marriage work. It is deeply rewarding to be trusted with a couple’s most valuable resource at a time of fear and hurt. For 15 years I have studied the patterns, the stages relationships go through. I see how they get built, how they break down and how they heal. I ask people […]
Each year I sit down to write my newsletter on Thanksgiving morning before the festivities begin and set it to go out in the evening when the party’s over. Mostly I steal stuff from last years post and tweek it a bit. The best thing about holiday traditions is just how predictable they can be. […]
Wednesday was awful and I feared I couldn’t write, couldn’t see clients. Everyone I voted for lost. Today I woke up ready to fight. My progressive politics are an integral part of my Marriage Geek message- you are not required to read any further. I get it that lots of people don’t agree with me […]
When a new couple comes into my office one of my first questions is “Are you fighting too much or too little?” By the time couples get to my office, the answer is usually they aren’t fighting enough. I have to say that if my practice was in some less Nordic state, I might get […]
Oh great- the kids are teaching me life lessons again. Bear with me, the backstory of how I got myself into my current mess goes back in time. 6 years ago I took my boys (6 and 8) with me to visit their cousins at YMCA sleepover camp. Wait- it goes back farther than that. […]
Attachment Wounds Pt 3 If all goes well in life, you get to navigate relationships from a position of secure attachment. If your childhood experiences or messed up adult relationships have screwed up that attachment you get anxious or dismissive, preoccupied or avoidant or some messed up combination of these are your relationship baggage. Intimacy […]
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“Why Nobody Makes Us As Crazy as The People We Love”
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* Why do the people we love make us crazy, and why do we make the people we love crazy?
* What powerful, healthy instinct is behind this crazy?
* Bonus hints -how to move past crazy towards a more passionate, powerful connection.
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