What I want men to know about why women hate being groped

I wrote this on Oct 29. 2011. I am tired and sad and a little disappointed in the world today. This is all getting old. #MeToo  #IBelieveHer

Darling,

I want us to have an amazing sex life and do adore you but I think there are some things you need to understand about loving a woman. Long before we met, I was dealing with a world where I wasn’t always safe, where I wasn’t always respected. Just so you know what I bring to our relationship I want to tell you about what it’s like for women.

Since I was 10 years old I have been leered at, eyed, ogled, looked up and down by guys who thought it was no big deal. I have had my blouse stared down, my skirt stared up by some guy who thought it was no big deal. I have been besieged with media images of women displayed as objects by guys who thought it was no big deal. I have been joked about, teased, sworn at, rudely gestured at and propositioned by some guy who thought it was no big deal. I have been touched, groped, pinched, leaned against, rubbed, stroked, hugged and  kissed against my will by some guy who thought it was no big deal. I have said no and been ignored, I have resisted and been overpowered, I have been manipulated and guilted and pressured by some guy who thought it was no big deal. I have been stalked and followed and harassed by some guy who thought it was no big deal. I have been made to feel my job, my financial security, my physical safety, my relationship, my womanhood and my worth are a function of the way I look, dress and sexually perform by some guy who thought it was no big deal. I have been mislead, lied to, and emotionally manipulated for sex by some guy who thought it was no big deal. I have given in to demands, ultimatums, and threat for sex by some guy who thought it was no big deal.

So here’s the thing, I’m a little tense. In fact I am furious. My sexuality is battered. I jump sometimes when you touch me. I don’t like some of your jokes and your teasing isn’t a turn on. I chose you and need you to touch me and approach me and seduce me and make love to me the way that I choose. Because you see, my sexuality is a big F*?#%*ing deal.

Love- your partner