The “Special” Glass

The other day, Zach (the 11 year old) said “The only thing I want to take with me when I move out is this glass… I mean if it’s still around’”. A couple of immediate reactions…”He’s planning his move out date? At 11?” followed closely by “Who knew- that glass?” It isn’t special. It has no historical importance. We didn’t get it on one of our amazing vacations. It wasn’t given to him by a family member. It certainly isn’t valuable. It is simply a piece of his very normal day to day life…which I have to admit is pretty awesome.

My Aunt Char has a 1970s plastic bowl that some day my siblings and I will be fighting over because it is the bowl that has sat at every Christmas dinner filled with her fruit cocktail and Cool Whip salad. It is totally irreplaceable. Maybe I do get it. Maybe the stuff that really matters looks a lot like the stuff that doesn’t matter.

As we move into this insane season of meaningfully unmarked red cups, it is important to check yourself. You are your children’s memories. You are creating nostalgia. You are history and foundation. Someday they will work hard to recreate the best of their childhood for their own children…and redo better the parts we got wrong.

They won’t remember many of the gifts you give them. They won’t notice the food, unless you change something. You are the wallpaper. You are the environment in which they flourish.

You cannot build good memories. You cannot stage things in a way that creates meaningful holiday celebrations. The best and the worst of what your kids will remember about their childhood will be broad strokes- holidays and warmth, meals and presents.

Then the Grinch had a thought he hadn’t before. What if Christmas, he thought…doesn’t come from a store. What if Christmas, perhaps…means a little bit more!

When my oldest was about 25 I was taking a Landmark leadership course and had to interview people in my life. I asked Nate about his childhood and the kind of mom I was and the mistakes I made and the things I got right. For all the crap we went through, for all the struggles and messiness…and believe me it was messy… what he said was..”No matter what happened, I alway knew you were there for me.”

If I could give one gift this season it would be for you to get the chance to know this- that all it really comes down to is being there. You show up, you try and the every days mean a hell of a lot more than the big ones do.

Keep it simple because the special glass ain’t all that special…except when it is.