The world feels unbearably heavy right now. Heavier than our so-called “new normal.” Gun violence, political division, and the endless drip of hopelessness are exhausting. Have you even had a moment to check in with yourself about how you’re really doing? Back-to-school season shouldn’t feel this dangerous.

On August 24th, I celebrated my 62nd birthday at Burning Man in Nevada—right in the middle of what they called “the storm of the century.”  Burning Man isn’t a “good idea” in any rational sense. It’s more of a calling, a passion, a way of stepping out of this world’s chaos and into the possibility of something different.

Two weeks in the desert has become my sanity prescription. If the world we’re living in feels dystopian, Burning Man isn’t utopian—but it is a spark. Inspiration is possible, community can be built, life doesn’t have to be lived by default.

And here’s where it ties back to our everyday lives and relationships: we can’t always change the chaos “out there,” but we can choose how we show up with the people closest to us. Burning Man reminded me that presence, curiosity, generosity, and radical acceptance aren’t just survival skills for the desert—they’re lifelines in relationships, in parenting, in friendship.

I’ve realized that bringing the principles of Burning Man into my everyday life is the best way I know to stay grounded, stay hopeful, and keep showing up in a world that sometimes feels determined to break me.

My “Default World” Version of the 10 Principles

Back in 2004, Burning Man co-founder Larry Harvey wrote down the 10 principles—not as rules, but as a reflection of the community’s ethos and culture as it had grown. Over time, I’ve realized these principles are my survival skills for the default world too. Here’s my take:

Radical Inclusion
Welcome and respect the stranger. No prerequisites required for belonging. Smile at strangers. Treat everyone as if they’re having a really rough day—because chances are, they are.

Gifting
The value of a gift is unconditional. Nothing reminds us of our wealth, our joy, or our faith in the future like giving. Give stuff, give time, give care. Not like charity, but like Santa—be the magic.

Decommodification
Burners resist commercial sponsorships and transactions to avoid consumption as a substitute for experience. For me, avoiding Amazon, Target, and most big-box stores has been like a radical detox. I didn’t realize how much I’d been manipulated to want and “need” crap I never actually needed.

Radical Self-Reliance
Discover, exercise, and rely on your inner resources. I love learning to DIY life. Tackling a problem and figuring it out provides deep psychological richness and a sense of reward you can’t buy.

Radical Self-Expression
Only I can be me—and being anything less is a disservice to the world. When I show up as myself, I free others to do the same. Self-expression can be clothes, music, or art—but it’s also honesty, emotion, and autonomy.

Communal Effort
Creativity, cooperation, and collaboration are our ticket out of this mess. They are our magic fairy dust. When faced with a struggle, don’t shut down—invite more voices in.

Civic Responsibility
We are responsible for building a civil society. That starts with me.

Leaving No Trace
Respecting the environment is radical. Always leave your campsite better than you found it—whatever your “campsite” happens to be.

Participation
Transformation—personal or societal—only happens when we dive in fully. Make the world real through open-hearted action.

Immediacy
The world is experienced here and now—one precious moment at a time. The more I turn off distractions, the more powerful and alive life feels.

Check out my upcoming workshops.

I have one for professionals on the healing power of touch in therapeutic relationships.

I have one for people wanting to delve deeper into their experiences around non-monogamous relationships.

I have one for people facing tough decisions about marriage/divorce.