Trying to Explain ACEs Research in a Post
Talking about childhood trauma and abuse isn’t for everyone… or not always the right time… proceed with caution.
When I was a kid, you could go to Sears and you would walk up on this platform and they would measure your feet using an x-ray machine. It was super cool. It was also a really bad idea… what with the cumulative effects of radiation leading to increased risk for cancer. Nothing “bad” happened to any of us, I don’t think but we figured out that maybe since people are going to live to be 100 and be exposed to unpredictable amounts of radiation, maybe we’d save exposure for important stuff…like broken bones.
Today we are seeing a huge shift in how we understand our children’s exposure to stress. It is becoming clear that repeated exposure to toxic levels of stress do enormous damage to kids, not just in the ways we’d expect like risk for depression, anxiety and chemical dependency but in ways we didn’t see… like cancer and diabetes and heart disease.
The ACEs study- “Adverse Childhood Experiences” is going to change the way we see the connection between mental health and physical health, between our childhood and our aging. It is way beyond my scope to try and explain all of it. I recently finished “The Deepest Well: Healing the Long- Term Effects of Childhood Adversity” by Nadine Burke Harris which was wonderful. (You know how much I love books that make me feel smart.) I am going to try and give you the cliff notes, the bare bones minimal understanding of ACEs because I think we all need to know this stuff.
#1- Trauma and toxic stress is cumulative and has long lasting impact.
Unofficially count these things- Before you were 18
__ Did an adult in your household scare you physically or emotionally abuse you?
__ Did an adult often grab you, throw things at you, slap you or did you get hit so that it left marks?
__ Sexually abused by an adult?
__ Often feel unloved in your family or like your family didn’t have each other’s back?
__ Were your needs (food, clothing, cleanliness, medical care) neglected?
__ Were your parents separated or divorced in your childhood?
__ Was your mother or step mother physically abused?
__ Was someone in your family struggling with drugs or alcohol?
__ Was someone in your family struggling with mental health issues?
__ Did anyone in your family go to prison?
Those are the 10 we have the most research on. Likely there are many other “adverse childhood experiences” we haven’t measured. We are only starting to look at environmental stress like racism, poverty, violence. So give yourself a “bonus” point if you know there is more to it than that.
#2- Having people love you is a protective factor. If you had a wonderful mom or fantastic dad or your grandma was always there for you or you lived in a neighborhood where people looked out for you or your parents really tried to be consistent inside of all the mess or you had that great teacher or you just were a feisty, bold kid… you had some buffer to the impact of the toxic stress. So eyeball it…maybe take a point or two off for resilience.
#3- Most people in our country had OK childhoods- 62% had 0 or 1 adverse events… and likely some buffers. That’s the best privilege there is… and the one we want to give our kids. If you had 4 or more… and you’re working on life and you are struggling… you should get a freaking gold metal. Seriously. So many of the people in my practice are parents who are working their asses off to give their kids 0-1 ACEs when they didn’t have that experience. When you live in high trauma, your body goes into a toxic stress response that has a horrible impact on your life and you can’t just “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” or “get over it” or “stop blaming your parents”… you have some serious work to do.
#4- The good news… the work is so good for you. We know some great ways to repair the damage. Here’s the antidote for overcoming the impact our our childhood stress.
SLEEP- NUTRITION- EXERCISE… I told you so!!! Self care is not an after thought. It is not a bonus. If you grew up in a home where your core needs were neglected, where you weren’t safe, you have to learn how to take care of yourself. Your body doesn’t get to take these things for granted. Your stress response cycle needs to know that the war is over and things are going to be better now.
Build healthy relationship!!! Again…told you so! Have good people, lean in, surround yourself with safety and warmth. It is never too late to build resiliance.
Mindfulness- meditation, yoga, learn to live in the moment, practice choosing your focus.
Therapy-I know… all my favorites… get someone to help you work through the impact of your childhood and “reparent” you and help you find a new path.
See? Ok- simple but not easy right. Now do not go beat yourself about any of this… a little education can be a dangerous thing. Whether you knew it or not, your childhood has been impacting you. Some people got off pretty easy and some people got screwed. As for our kids, we want them to have fewer bad things happen and we want to be great buffers and offer some other great buffers and focus on all the healing stuff… just in case.
Here’s the thing- I see you. I see how hard you are trying and how much better your kids have it because of your struggles. I just want you to know that the world is just starting to figure out that the crap that you’ve been through is real and all kids deserve to have great safe loving wonderful lives surrounded by loving people.
Maureen
