Category / emotional intelligence / Self care
-
![]()
Of Course You’re Worried, We’re All Worried
I’ve stepped away from blogging in 2020. Going through a ton of my own growth and exploration right now has me feeling uncentered. My opinions change weekly, I’m questioning everything and in no place to be a “relationship expert”. The ankle is mostly healed. I am doing lots of physical therapy to get back to hiking and yoga as soon as possible. The “babies” turned 16 and 18 last week,…
-
![]()
Falling on my A$$
2020 has decided to teach me some tough lessons. On New Year’s Eve, my three kids, my nephew and I went to Vertical Endeavors to go bouldering. (Bouldering is a form of rock climbing that is performed on small rock formations or artificial rock walls without the use of ropes or harnesses. And as VE reminds you every time- Bouldering is inherently dangerous.) I fell off the wall, shattering my ankle.
-
![Halloween 2005]()
My Age of Pumpkins Has Passed
I hope you and yours survived Halloween. I am still struggling with my new reality- life where no one goes trick or treating and we don’t even have a pumpkin. After decades of life revolving around my children, I am a tiny bit lost. Fall is the season of letting go. We drop our leaves and go dark so that we can move to the next stage. This week my…
-
![]()
I am so sorry- That must have hurt
People tell me their big drama relationship stories all day. That’s what I do for a living, mostly I listen and reflect big feelings. Years of this and you start to notice things- patterns, threads, trends. The answer to the big drama is “oh, that must have hurt”. “Oh you got your feelings hurt” is so dismissive. We need permission to have the hurt in order to decide what we want to do next.
-
![]()
Kisses can’t make it all ok
Let me walk you through how anxiety gets fed. Remember the 35W bridge collapse? Before that bridges seemed really safe. Then one day a bridge fell down and we were all hyper alert about bridges. No one wanted to drive over bridges. We all knew it was pretty unlikely that another bridge would fall… lightning striking twice and all. But anxiety doesn’t really care about logic. There were two options available to all of us.
-
![]()
I Promise- Winter has to End
You have to be patient. Patience is one of those things we all wish we had more of, so let’s be patient. Pick one thing that feels like it is never going to change and change it. Let go of your desire for immediate gratification and work on slow and steady wins the race. Plan for setbacks. Know you will get discouraged. Take on immeasurable movement.
-
![]()
Don’t Tell Me to Calm Down…oh…wait
I know you don’t want to hear this but can you chill for a bit? Maybe it is the speed of our lives or the 24 hour news cycle but these are anxious times. Who can blame us for fearing for our kids, our loved ones, the environment, the economy, our health..sorry- this isn’t helping, is it?
-
![]()
On Solid Ground- Building Trust
Trust– mutual resonance allows shaping and responding to the person we care about while also knowing we are shaping them.
Over time, presence, attunement and resonance create a safe environment. Our relationship becomes a thing- something we count on. Trust is letting go.
-
![Tango]()
When Things Really Sing- Resonance
Resonance is cohesion and harmony. It shows up when our vulnerability allows us to step into the unknown, the uncertainty of something we haven’t seen before.
-
![]()
Attunement= Presence + Curiousity
Interpersonal Neurobiology Last week I shared my intro to Interpersonal Neurobiology and the power of Presence…not presents. Interpersonal neurobiology focuses on brain development’s connection to learning, mental health and relationships. I shared Dan Seigel’s acronym for connection- PART Presence, Attunement, Resonance, and Trust. When we connect effectively with someone, we turn on their social engagement system. Engagement allows parents to both impact and learn from their kids, partners to build…
